Relationships come in all forms, as lovers, friends, business associates/partners, family. What makes a relationship worthy of keeping is trusting in each other. Trusting that each of you will be there in times of need. Trusting that each of you will stand up for one another. Trusting that one does not cross the boundaries that were set once the relationship was formed (this includes relationships with your parents/family).
Trust is a major factor in any form of relationship therefore it is so difficult to regaining someone’s trust after it has been broken. In a past relationship I had, the trust of fidelity was broken. He apologized and promise that it would not happen again, unfortunately, it did several times over. I stayed each time because I wanted so much to believe that I can trust him again and not break up the family (my parents divorced when I was 12), especially since we had three children together. I realized that no matter how much I tried to make this relationship work; it wasn’t going to work out because he wasn’t willing to change his behavior for me to trust him again. Remember it takes two to mend a marriage or intimate relationship. It was a very painful time in my life, and I thought I’d be miserable for the rest of my life (I know it’s a bit dramatic, but that’s how I felt). I’m in a relationship right now with someone I can trust. We do have our moments of arguments and disagreements but bottom line we both trust that we do not cross important boundaries, such as fidelity.
Friendships need trust for it to last. I have people who have been in my life whom I consider friends and are no longer in my life or who are just now associates/acquaintances due to the lack of trust or the trust that has been broken. There are boundaries within a friendship that should never be crossed. My circle of “friends” is small because boundaries were broken. I’m okay with the few people I consider my close friends. I trust these individuals with my life as they can trust me with theirs.
A family may be bound by blood or by circumstance but what keeps the relationship close is the amount of trust each has for one another. As a kid, my mother would always tell me, “Just tell me the truth and I won’t get mad at you.” I came home late one night; she had asked where I was and who I was with. I decided to tell her the truth. I told her that I was out with a boy (mind you I was 17) and we went to the movies. She went ballistic, you see my mother is old school and believed that a girl shouldn’t be thinking about boys until the age, 21. The trust of being able to tell my mother anything was broken. I learned to keep certain experiences in my life (such as the issues with my children’s father) a secret from her.
In business, trust is essential in working with an associate/coworker. People need to trust that you will provide a service or complete a task correctly and sometimes, confidentially. How can you continue to do business with someone if trust has not been established or broken?
In any event or scenario mentioned, when the trust has been broken within a relationship, it will take some work from both sides to regain the trust factor. I’m not trying to dissuade anyone from thinking that trust is impossible to get back, anything is possible. But the lingering feeling and thoughts of doubt need to be worked through and eliminated for a healthy relationship.
Having distrust in someone is not a healthy relationship and is built on lies. If you find yourself in a situation where the trust has been broken. Ask yourself if the relationship is worth working for and be honest if the damages are too great that it will impinge on each other’s happiness then end the union amicably. If the answer is yes, then don’t dwell on what each other did to get to this point in the relationship. Instead, work together by determining what changes needs to happen individually as well as together. Slowly work at regaining the trust. Trust yourself and trust your instincts. Who better to place your trust in but you.
“You will harvest what you plant.” – Galatians 6:7
Stay blessed,
arlyn
“Stephen Covey Quotes.” BrainyQuote.com. BrainyMedia Inc, 2020. 20 January 2020. https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/stephen_covey_450798