[I’ve had my moments of depression, anger, and of course with that comes suffering. The past few months have especially been difficult for me, as I am sure you must be going through your own struggles with the worldwide pandemic and civil unrest our country is going through. If I may speak briefly on the civil unrest, we are going through was bound to happen due to the centuries of atrocities and injustices black people have been experiencing since as early as the 1600s. This is also a spiritual issue based on the Law of Cause and Effect. Karmic retribution also applies to countries as a whole and groups of people. Right now, we are facing a revolution not only politically, but spiritually as well. Somehow, there are people, groups of people who have lost the wisdom of giving and receiving basic human respect towards one another. It is called ‘love’. I wrote the following four (4) months ago and did not share it because of my own internal chaos. Today, a couple of days I turned 58 years old, I feel compelled to share what keeps me going even as I go through moments of negativity, anxiety, depression, or anger. I pray that we as a human race find the love that we are missing universally, globally, nationally, and individual – self-love.]

When you’re going through it, a funk, sometimes you get to a place where it’s dark and lonely. Doubt seeps into the psyche. What if my ideas and goals are things that are unachievable?  What if … we all them. For some, the what-ifs are a fleeting thought. For others, it can be debilitating. For most of us, the what-ifs are the lows we experience in life, just like the highs. It’s like the quote says, it’s all part of being human, part of life.

But what I’ve learned is that I lack discipline. Discipline to succeed. The discipline needed to attain the goals I set for myself and receive. While I was in a funk, I didn’t want to do anything but watch movies on the TV. I started to isolate myself from everyone or at least wanted to. I didn’t like my state of mind or where I wanted to be in my life. I started to have anxiety about money, aging, and the feeling of failure. It got really bad that I decided to go see someone, a therapist. I’ve seen a therapist, briefly, before when I was going through my divorce, a dark period for me.

Sometimes we all need help when we go through these lows in life. It is part of human nature to go through some form ‘darkness’ in order to appreciate the ‘light’. There will always be good by acknowledging the bad. It is how we deal with the internal challenges that determine how to get back to the light. Going to see a therapist for me helps. Help in a way where she can help me see things from an unbiased perspective. It has helped by being able to vent to someone whom I never met before my first session. I have sought out therapy to learn how to manage my lows and find out what may trigger those moments. I have also begun to start letting go of past pain and hurt. It is a process and a commitment to work through deep-seated issues that we’ve held on to for a long time.

I realized that I needed to go back to basics. I’ve started a 21 day I call a spiritual renewal. Today is day 9. I read somewhere of a list of books Nipsey Hustle2 has read and recommended, The Sacred Woman – A Guide to Healing The Feminine Body, Mind, and Spirit by Queen Afua, which intrigued me. (I decided to buy it, it’s cheaper if you buy for a kindle or some kind of reader app). After reading a couple of chapters, I realized that I needed to get back to some form of spiritual ritual. The book has a step by step process of healing our feminine selves, the Queen within us, however, because it has been difficult for me to follow a plan to change my diet (Body) I am working on that. I’ve created a ritual for myself that seems to work for me. As I read more of the book, I am reading (Mind) about how women have been forced to forget our rights and place in society, a Queen. A strong and confident woman equal to a man. My day includes prayer, meditation, and writing in a journal (Spirit). I can already see positive changes. I have committed myself to create and sell my art through jewelry, i.e. having a table at the Encino Farmer’s Market. It is now day 9 and I haven’t allowed myself to quit this spiritual renewal, I intend to complete 21 days. It is said that it takes 21 days to change a behavior or develop a routine.

Day 15 and I’m writing again. I am feeling hopeful and positive that I am moving in the right direction. I encourage you to continue to work on you by bringing out the Queen that you are. By working on the body, mind, and spirit, the Queen arises. I am here, like you, working diligently towards remembering who I am, who I am meant to be. Shine brightly and before you start your day, don’t forget to put your crown on with your head up high. Smile!

“You will always harvest what you plant.” – Galatians 6:7

Stay blessed.

1. “Janet Fitch Quotes.” BrainyQuote.com. BrainyMedia Inc, 2019. 12 June 2019. https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/janet_fitch_525773

2. Nipsey Hustle – an American Rapper, entrepreneur, and community activist from Los Angeles, California. (08/15/1985 – 03/21/2019)

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